


you'll never get rid of me- i'm like a fucking disease!

by gabrieros (alienboyv)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 1992 Movie Script Aziraphale (Good Omens), 1992 Movie Script Crowley (Good Omens), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Dark Crowley (Good Omens), Fat Shaming, Good Omens Movie Script (1992), Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealous Aziraphale (Good Omens), Non-Explicit Sex, Other, Possessive Crowley (Good Omens), Sad Aziraphale (Good Omens), Song Lyrics, Sorta One-Sided Attraction, Unhealthy Relationships, between aziraphale and omc. sorry., heavy angst to medium angst, still a happy ending tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienboyv/pseuds/gabrieros
Summary: this is the part where i shut upand let you infest my brain...but its ok! it's a strategy to ensure i remain!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens) & Original Male Character(s), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 34





	you'll never get rid of me- i'm like a fucking disease!

**Author's Note:**

> so i projected a toxic friendship i had onto them sorry  
> u get my uh...adoration? if u can guess exactly which parts of this are things they did/said to me lol
> 
> i debated with myself on whether to publish this or not but in the end, i decided to do so. i wasnt proud of this at first and as well i know ppl dont like the movie script and honestly? i dont like it either because it DOES kinda contradict the dynamic of the tv husbands, radio husbands, or the book husbands- but then i thought "hey. each of those dynamics are different in some way- theyre the same characters but different versions."
> 
> i am not supporting what happens in this! nor should this change how you look at the husbands- not in the slightest! look at this as merely another interpretation of what could've happened after the movie script if it had ever become real.
> 
> btw, while crowley is a jerk the implied/referenced rape is not between azira and crowley- even crowley has limits. as well, he will be referred to as "Antony" this entire time, just to separate him a bit.

"Zira!" Antony, Crowley, called out into the seemingly empty museum, he looked around and groaned. "Zira?"

"Apologies! I was reorganizing this collection of mine, the one of the busts-" Antony held a hand up, palm facing Aziraphale.

"Hold on, before you continue, I really don't care." Antony rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Just being blunt."

"Oh, of course, apolog-" Antony shook his head. "Anyways, what was it you needed?" 

"Well, since the whole not-so-apocalypse-o," He bobbed his head side to side as he spoke, his hands in front of him with his fingers wriggling. "We haven't been anywhere, and uh, sure you're just dying to get some food." Aziraphale clapped his hands and nodded.

"Then close this place up and get in the car."

* * *

"This place is lovely, Antony!" Aziraphale giggled. Antony shrugged and called a waiter over, asking for two red wines. The waiter nodded and walked off.

The night when on as that, a little awkward at times, but for the most part, quite nice. Everything seemed to be going well, Aziraphale was so glad- now that they were both free, it seemed Antony felt like he could be...nicer to Aziraphale.

Not to say Antony is a bad friend, of course not! It's just, even though Aziraphale loves him dearly, at times he- he can be- oh, let's not dwell on that! Let's enjoy the moment.

Maybe he could fool himself and believe Antony didn't always do this, be nice for a moment before going back to treating Aziraphale like how he usually does.

"Well..." Antony smacked his lips." "Say, you wanna head out of here?" It wasn't really a question, not with the way his eyes darkened and he took a slow sip of his wine.

"Well, I..." Antony stood in front of Aziraphale, burgundy suit highlighting his pale skin, with his black sunglasses and dark maroon hair framing his face perfectly. His hand was extended out, so romantically, so _princely_ -

"Yes." Aziraphale breathed out, eyes shining.

* * *

Aziraphale woke up, alone in the bedroom of Antony's flat. He shimmied on his boxers and put on a baggy and wrinkled sweater out of Antony's closet. He walked into the living room, where Antony was sat, fully-dressed and looked to be doing his financing for his club.

"Hello, dear," Aziraphale murmured, sitting on Antony's thigh...before being pushed off.

"Get off, fat ass." Aziraphale picked himself up off the floor and nodded. How foolish of him, where did he get the bright idea-

"Apologies." He spoke, monotonously. Antony snapped his fingers and Aziraphale was, once again, fully dressed.

"Don't borrow my things without asking." Aziraphale nodded. "Wanna go back to the museum?"

"Yes, dear."

* * *

_This is the part where I shut up and let you infest my brain..._

* * *

_Same old, same old._ Aziraphale thought to himself, a month later. Antony and his...intimacy had repeated itself a few more times and now he was back at the museum.

 _No need to be negative, old chap, how about we visit him at the club tomorrow?_ Aziraphale smiled to himself and went to reorganize more of his collections.

Aziraphale was aware how out of place he looked walking into Antony's club, but it was only to see Antony.

"Antony?" Antony looked up from his conversation.

"Zira? What are you doing here?" Aziraphale grinned.

"I came to see you, silly!" Antony rolled his eyes, under his sunglasses. They chatted for a bit before one of his lady workers walked by.

"Awe, are you two a couple?" She giggled. Aziraphale felt his face fluster before Antony spoke up.

" _Fuck_ no. I'd rather die than date him." Antony glared at the woman before turning away. The woman looked at Aziraphale then at Antony before she looked back at Aziraphale and gave a sympathetic look before walking away.

* * *

_Wrap your arms around my cortex, dig you in and let you drain._

* * *

They had finished their _activity_ and found themselves awake.

"Wanna talk?" Antony put an elbow upon his pillow. 

"Sure, dear." The thing about pillow talk is that it could go south _very_ quickly. That was where they found themselves now.

"Fuck, all I ever did was ask questions," Antony grumbled. "That's all-that's all I ever did. I wasn't even a good Demon, fuck's sake. Y'know what gets me?"

"What, dear?"

"How did dear old Lucifer turn out just be as bad as God? Like, the whole rebellion- that was against God, and he's _just_ like Her. Tyrannical and controlling, he's such a hypocrite. Thought that he'd be more lenient on us, but no, I joined a rebellion so I could get ruled by another _God_." Aziraphale grabbed his hands.

"I...I'm so sorry." Antony chuckled.

"I'm fine." Aziraphale knew that wasn't entirely true. He gripped onto his hand harder.

"Well, dear, I want you to know this- need you know this. If you ever, ever need it, I will help you and support you. I'm here for you, I will always be here for you." Antony looked at him and cackled.

"Look, Aziraphale," He had _that_ look. Aziraphale knew the look, the look he gave when he was about to hurt Aziraphale. "I'm _never_ going to need you, _never_ going to come to _you_ of all people for _help_ or _support_. Understand? _Never_."

"I-" He stuttered. "Still, if you ever need me, I'm still there for you." Antony shook his head and mumbled something, laughing to himself as he turned off the lights.

* * *

_You'll never get rid of me, I'm like a fucking disease._

* * *

"Now, that is enough, Antony!" Aziraphale had listened to Antony's bickering for the past hour. He had insulted anything Aziraphale had done in the last 48 hours and Aziraphale was quite sick of it. He never felt like he had any authority in their relationship to stand up for himself, but now-

"Are you fucking serious? I talk about how I feel and you're asking me to _shut up_?" Aziraphale gulped.

"Now, that is not what I said at all! Antony, what are you-" Antony was grabbing his coat and walking out the door.

" _You_ do not get to talk to me like that! I'll be back, think about what you're acting like." He slammed the door and Aziraphale gave out a shaky breath.

"You know, you don't need him. You're better off without him." A lingering man in his museum said behind him.

"Oh, it was just a spat, and anyways-" He shrugged.

_I do need him, so, so badly._

* * *

_I'll make home in your gut, 'cause it's somewhere warm to sleep._

* * *

"Dear?" Aziraphale stood outside Antony's door. Months had passed since their...spat...and they were talking- until a month ago, when Antony stopped answering his calls. A solemn and lanky man opened the door.

"Oh, Anth-" Antony, disheveled and darkened by the shadows, grabbed onto Aziraphale and pulled him into his chest.

"What in Satan's name are you doing here? Whatever just..." He yawned. "Stay here. For the night." Antony muttered and pulled Aziraphale in.

Somehow, Aziraphale felt he was at fault for whatever _this_ was. Aziraphale may be in Antony's home, but Antony is always on his mind.

* * *

_What was your thought when you realized you'll never feel naive love again?_

* * *

A man tapped on his shoulder after Antony had left to go check out the pool game, and likely flirt with other girls.

"Hey, saw your friend left, how 'bout you and me head on out?" The man winked and grabbed his arm. Aziraphale looked up at him and shuddered.

For quite a few months this had been happening, any romantic encounter sent him screaming for the hills- well, more like shivering for the hills.

He gulped and tried to back away.

"I'm good, sir, truly." The man nodded.

"That's fine, buddy, no need to shiver." He let go of his arm and called to the bartender. "You want a drink" Aziraphale stilled and muttered.

"Just a small vodka with orange juice, please." The guy made a thumbs up and got the waitress to get him some water. He sat beside Aziraphale, who actually felt himself open up. Before they knew it, they had been chatting for an hour.

"Goodness! What happened next?" Aziraphale laughed, wiping a tear from his eyes.

"She-she just fuckin' walks away! So I'm left there with a divorced couple-" A cough came from behind Aziraphale, to which he turned around for. He looked up.

"Antony?" Antony glared at him before sneering at the man in front of him. Antony began to shoo the man away before snapping his fingers and suddenly the man was much more interested in the girl across the room than them. "Antony, what was that?"

"What do you think you're doing- you can't just flirt with any guy you meet." Aziraphale was puzzled.

"We weren't fl-" Antony groaned, loudly.

" _Sure_. He just wanted to fuck you anyway, whatever good that would've done for him." Crowley took a swig of his beer.

* * *

Aziraphale shook. Antony had cornered him and was talking but Aziraphale wasn't quite sure he could hear.

They were helping Anathema with some new furniture until Antony and Anathema had gotten into an argument- he had been doing something, _something_ that Aziraphale _couldn't_ quite remember.

Aziraphale was pulled into the middle for a moment before Anathema pulled him back out.

"Fuckin' hell, just come help me assemble this shit- and I want ' _Zira_ , not that _bitch_." And so they went outside and tried to assemble the coffee table until Antony had stopped.

"'Zira, you _know_ I'm right- you _know_ that. She was overreacting! I was in the right and I got attacked- you know that, right? Right?" Aziraphale shuffled.

"I feel like you two may have just blown up on each other- and-"

"No, like, she had no right do that! You know that, come on, Aziraphale-" Adam walked over to them and dragged Aziraphale away, saying he needed some help that only Aziraphale could help with.

* * *

_Was it pain? Or was it sickness?_

* * *

Aziraphale sighed and sat down. Antony had told him their trip to the bar was canceled when Aziraphale had already arrived, so he had decided to get a drink.

"What'cha want?" The gruff man said to him. Aziraphale giggled.

"Just a glass of wine, honestly." Maybe this would be like the night last week, where they had bonded. The glass was sat down and suddenly, the man pointed to the television and Aziraphale- stupid, stupid Aziraphale- got distracted.

He laughed at the news before turning back and muttering something as he took a sip of his wine.

He should have guessed something was wrong when he thought the wine smelled strange.

* * *

_Were you proud of who you'd been?_

* * *

Aziraphale stared at the floor. The clock ticked in Antony's club. 

It hadn't felt like it usually did, not since the event last month. Antony hadn't taken notice. He had put on his clothes and wandered into the club, dazed and unsure of what was happening- Antony had said he needed to take care of business.

Aziraphale looked up and felt sick. A man sat down next to him and he bolted up.

He opened the door to Antony's office. He stopped and stared at the scene in front of him. The moans and grunts stopped as Antony miracled the door shut with no thought.

Aziraphale felt warmth in his cheeks, his stomach drop, and his emotions begin to meddle. He realized, delayed, he felt jealous-no, he couldn't even say he was jealous, he was _envious_. Antony wasn't ever his, so what could he be jealous over?

* * *

Aziraphale held Antony's hands. They were at the Ritz and they had rented a room together and were about to begin their activity before Aziraphale pulled.

"I'm in love with you. I've loved you for so long, Antony." He stared at him and Antony just blinked. He brought Aziraphale closer and kissed him.

"One thing at a time, 'Zira."

* * *

_I don't miss you,_

_I miss the thought of what we were._

* * *

Antony hadn't called or texted in weeks. Finally, Aziraphale, concerned, went over the Antony's club.

The bouncer stopped him. He looked at the man, who had certainly seen him before.

"Sorry, just..." The man didn't look professional or stoic anymore, he looked...sad. "The boss asked us not to let you in- just, just said he's doing his own thing and not talking to people he doesn't feel devoted to enough." _Oh_. Aziraphale stood there and nodded.

"And...and when did he say this?"

"Like 5 weeks ago..." The man looked at him and was obviously withholding something that Aziraphale knew would've destroyed him.

"What else?" The man shuffled and shook his head. Aziraphale looked up. " _Please_."

"He...he said to make sure you specifically stopped bothering him 'cause he said..." The man shrugged. "You were being a "fucking nuisance."

"Was he not going to say anything?" The man hung his head and shook it. Aziraphale nodded and smiled, walking away.

"Have a good day."

* * *

_This is the part where I shut up and let you infest my brain-_

* * *

Antony began to text him again, like _nothing_ had happened- like Antony hadn't abandoned him- like this wasn't indicative of how _true_ his statements were when he said that Aziraphale wasn't worth the time of day. Then, it seemed Antony had finally figured out what happened and began to say that he shouldn't talk to Antony's help, then that he couldn't ignore him forever. He couldn't truly believe Antony _meant_ that. He _needed_ Antony.

* * *

_But it's okay, it's a strategy to ensure I remain!_

* * *

Aziraphale turned up at Antony's place. Antony laughed when he opened the door and guided him in.

"I knew there was something in there." He knocked on Aziraphale's head and shook his head, laughing.

* * *

_You'll never get rid of me, I'm like a fucking disease!_

* * *

Aziraphale stared at the bruises on his collarbone in the mirror, looking back on the sleeping Demon, for once having woken up first.

He looked down at the scars on his thighs left by Antony's nails. 

Aziraphale saw branding. He saw permanence.

* * *

_I'll make a home in your gut-_

* * *

Aziraphale smiled at the man in his pristine and clean suit.

"We'll make sure your shop comes into the right hands! You sure you don't want to take anything?" The man gave a classic charismatic smile. Aziraphale shook his head.

"I'll be fine."

* * *

_-'cause it's somewhere warm to sleep._

* * *

"I heard there was a roommate offering available?" He smiled as he held up the flier.

"Holy hell! Didn't we talk at the bar a couple of months ago? I bought you a vodka with orange juice, a-uh, erm, a screwdriver!" The man laughed and opened the door.

"Well, let's get onto the interview." He extended his hand. "Name?"

"Aziraphale! You?" He smiled.

"That's a mouthful, just call me Nic, alright?" Nic smiled and closed the door as he began the interview process and Aziraphale began his new life.

**Author's Note:**

> title, summary, and lyrics all are from It's All Futile! It's All Pointless by Wilbur Soot.
> 
> dw abt any future writings- anything with book, radio, or tv husbands will all be healthy. i just felt like, even tho the script sucks and all, i could do smth with it. the husbands still love each other.
> 
> if it helps, imagine that after this, all the crowleys gang up on him somehow lmao  
> thank you for reading this <3
> 
> twitter: [kaffeine6](https://twitter.com/kaffeine6)  
> writing twitter: [dormantlover](https://twitter.com/dormantlover)  
> tumblr: [pebbles-scatter](https://pebbles-scatter.tumblr.com/)


End file.
